You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
