If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
