her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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