I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
