I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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