For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
