Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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