My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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