Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
