Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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