I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
