Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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