You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
