I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
