just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
