I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
