My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
