So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
