I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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