i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
