The maid of honor just puked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize