Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
