If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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