i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
