Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
