Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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