btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You took a bar mat shot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
