margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
