He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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