end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
