are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
