Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
