Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
