Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize