i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize