in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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