I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He felt like a one man threesome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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