new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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