DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
