I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
