I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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