i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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