420 ftw
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We got so high we made milksteak
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
