my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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