Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
