There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
