your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
