6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
