I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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