This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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