he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
