Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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