Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize