He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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