You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
