How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
