So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
