Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
