I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
