her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize