She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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