I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
