i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
