o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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