sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
