I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
